The Plasma Of Me, Shed For Me

Today I gave blood.
I know what you're thinking, "Does that mean you got that sticker and we have to be nice to you!"
No, you fucking jerks. The consistency of how nice you are shouldn't be dependent on the amount of blood in someone's system, although it clearly is. No wonder all those teen bitches love vamps. Back to the story. I gave blood, but in a brand new way! It's called apheresis. With apheresis, your blood is drawn and pumped into a machine which separates the red blood cells from the plasma. This way you can yield twice as many red blood cells in the same amount of time.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
They then pump the plasma back inside of you. No dehydration. No long cell reproduction phase. It was my first time. I was nervous. I was excited. I was full of blood.

For the first ten minutes, the process was old news. Stick me with the needle, suck out the blood, grip the dowel, etc. Then came a big surprise...the flow was reversed. To my left, I strained to look at the machine. There I saw a collection bag, full not of my black-red life, but beer. No, not beer; plasma!
That frothy mixture was Whofleck's own pale ale! It even had a thick head! (dick joke)
Slowly, the bag of man-booze emptied into my arm. I shuddered uncontrollably. IT WAS COLD!
I had been sweating from the heat of the unventilated church basement, but suddenly I had my own personal air conditioning: Blood Conditioning, if you will! The sweet taste of saline hit the back of my throat and my tongue surged with chilly spittle. My lips when numb. I looked down to my arm and saw a sight unmatched:
MY BEER-BLOOD WAS FLOWING DIRECTLY INTO MY VEINS!!!
I almost came. I couldn't stop giggling. My Red Cross servant caught my case of giggles and told me I was acting "Cah-razy!" I was rubber to her mental insinuations. In time, the pale plasma slowly gained a bright pink glow. In a flash there was crimson once again. This entire cycle was repeated, and I got a second chance to let my soft inner-elbow suckle lovingly from the recycled teat of my body's brew. The last chance for one hundred and twelve days.
Fuck this blog, I have more important countdowns to attend to.

P.S. I want to bottle human plasma and drink it. Too vampy?