Friday, May 6, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Monday, May 2, 2011


In Washington, a man assembles his Cabinet for an intense evening of playoff hockey on VERSUS.

To kill some time between periods, they watch with token interest as a SEAL unit halfway across the world provides a decade's worth of closure to a great and angry nation hungry to find its way again in times of trouble:

Meanwhile, someone on a bucolic little street outside of Philadelphia designs another bad t-shirt over a bottle of craft beer and the smell of freshly cut grass:

Welcome to Earf.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Are You Not Entertained?

Hello, Centaurs. Let us face a few facts - as men, and as horses.

This once-great blog has been reduced to something akin to the Jundland Wastes.

Time, life, obligation, wandering interest - all foils to our noble endeavour.

To paraphrase the late, great, Jack Napier: "You've changed things."

Blazers do this as well.

What is to become of this barren landscape in its postlapsarian days?

Pheewrap knows.

I will tend to it, as a lazy gardener tends to a drying patch of forgotten glories.

Weeds will grow. Sharp edges will soften. The vibrant blooms and verdant greens of the halcyon days will not be quite so lush.

But there will be life.

Oh, yes. There will be life...

Saturday, April 16, 2011


"Do you suffer from depression? Well, if you don’t, you probably should, because the world is an ugly, violent place - and the only people who can’t see it are idiots and the blind. And believe me, brothers and sisters, blind people can smell how bad it is out there..."

Friday, April 15, 2011

Phoodie Phriday

Excerpt from

For the 46 days of Lent, J. Wilson is forgoing solid food and only drinking beer and water - just as Bavarian monks did hundreds of years ago. Wilson is a husband, father, newspaper editor and beer enthusiast. The 38-year-old is the proprietor of the beer blog brewvana, where the motto is, "An ideal condition of harmony, beer and joy." "That pretty much sums up our lifestyle," Wilson told CNN.

He is practicing a Lenten fast with Christians throughout the centuries who typically give something up from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday (April 24 this year) to remind them of the sacrifice they believe Jesus made on the cross for them. Typically, Christians give up something such as alcohol or sweets.

Wilson knows his sacrifice is bit extreme. He said his wife, Michelle, has been completely supportive. In his experiments as a home brewer in Iowa, he said Michelle "puts up with a yeast blow up on the ceiling." There are doctor's visits during the fast, and he did copious research before he began. He even bulked up beforehand, knowing he would lose weight. "I wasn't running into this half-cocked," he said. "I didn't wake up on Ash Wednesday and think, 'Wow this would be a great idea.'"

It helps that his boss at the Adams County Free Press is on board, because he keeps a keg at the office. Each morning, Wilson pours himself a 12-ounce Illuminator Doppelbock for breakfast. Then another at lunch, a 3:15 p.m. snack and finally a beer around 7:15 p.m., once he is home and settled in with the family. Each beer has about 288 calories and is about 6.7% alcohol he said.

The hunger stopped during the first week, he said, and he has no designs to break his fast. "No question, I'd have to get hit by a bus to stop." From here on out he said it would be, "just an exercise in discipline."

Suggested pairing: Baked Eggs

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Shall we begin?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Day Twenty-Two

For A Couple True Comrades:

May we shout for joy
when we hear of your victory
and raise a victory banner
in the name of our God.
May the LORD answer all your prayers.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Monday, March 21, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Friday, March 18, 2011

Day Ten

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Sunday, March 13, 2011

T-Rexes Aren't Known For Their Posture

This is moot.
He founded 4chan many years ago, and is currently championing a new site.
It is called and it is fun. It is essentially a real-time MSPaint session for editing images. He spoke about it during a keynote speech at a web-development conference below the Mason-Dixon Line, and I caught the whole thing in a stream. Unfortunately, infamous as he is, the presence of moot leaves something to be desired...he has terrible posture. Like, the worst posture ever. And he kept doing this shit with his hands as if he were rubbing them in malicious plotting or keeping the cold out like a rheumatic old woman. I thought he looked like a dinosaur.
So I captured a revealing screencap of him at his most T-Rex and posted it to

The following edits came in a storm:

My post is now the most popular post on
What I show you here is simply a taste of the 100+ edits that have since been born.
To put it lightly, friend:
I have reached my peak and been dethroned in a single sweep.
Just sign up for
You don't need me anymore.

Day Five

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Day Four

Friday, March 11, 2011


Akira Kurosawa's Dreams are coming true.
There will be a nuclear meltdown on the island of Japan, and the future lack of vomit porn and animated child rape will be suffered with iron resolve: I'm calling it. This is how Pokémon will be born. I, for one, welcome our new Demonic Asian Overlords.

Gotta get to the West Coast and get my surf on
before the FUN arrives.

Day Three

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Things We Do For Love:

Post creative dark humor for several months [x]
Shit gold on Sundays [x]
Never masturbate on Sundays [x]
Cleverly weave funny links [x]
Continue WINNING [x]
Share long-repressed memories [x]
Get you to care [ ]

Day Two

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Silly Boys!

Hands off! Heeheehee!
I know what I like and what I DON'T like, okay? I'm strong and I don't need a bunch of icky NERDS ogling ME! I do what I want when I want, are you scared? You wouldn't even know how to handle someone like me...gosh!
Let's see...I love killing Jews, putting glass shards in the eye sockets of my raped and murdered victims, physically consuming famous works of art, tricking my brother into unleashing the Kraken, you know!

Well, boys, I should really be going to bed. /wink
Don't spend all night looking at pictures of me, that's gross and such a turn off! YUCK.
I should could use a massage, though...

Day One

No Booze? Psh. No Problem!

So far nothing out of the ordinary. No shakes. No curling up in a sweating heap in the corner of my kitchen, doubled over like Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. This shit is going to be easy, right? I sleep five feet from an unopened bottle of Johnny Walker. No matter, I haven't been glancing at it every 20 minutes or so. When I was mixing tuna salad for dinner I didn't think about how great a big cold domestic light beer would be. No big deal.No big deal. No big d-

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What Is This I Don't Even

I am being sued.
I am behind on my reading.
I am disheveled.
But I feel grape. Fat Tuesday, bro...Doughnut Day.
But we've had this dance before, and stranger ones await.
Pause. Reflect. Do you even realize the magic of that image?
We've got a young girl, a fencer, as clever allusion to a scene in my fantasy book.
We've got a BP sponsor in the background. Wow, don't even need to go there.
And yes, we've got the Olympics. You know which one, with the logo that looks like Picasso's rendering of fellatio?
The sword bending slightly to the right? Think about it. I just made most of the men reading this blog feel funny.
I knew a kid in high school who fenced; real douche.
This is getting absurd, disjointed, and I should stop.
I should stop before this gets anything like Dave Legeno's biography: a must read.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Mazel Dog

Is there any way to celebrate besides hot dogs? Sure, some people prefer champagne, or cigars, or confetti and bare breasts. But is there anything so wholly satisfying as small cooked tubes of ground beef and pork and lordknowswhat? I submit that there is not. Mazel Dogs can be covered in diced onion, chili, or slaw, then slathered in kethcup and mustard and served with beans and old bay frnech fries. It's the only way to welcome a new era of paying tolls and accruing debt. Mazel dog, man. They grow up so fast.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

"Winter Is Coming."

I mean, I absolutely love it, but...
Kiss my sword, indeed.