Monday, June 28, 2010

A pant, a rant, and a

/runs up out of breath

//gasps for air

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I could.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Really? I don't know. It looked like a goal to me. And that one kind of looked like offside. It seems to me like the refereeing in this World Cup has been atrocious. What's that? I'm a bandwagon fan with no basis for comparison? Well... I... it's just that... Fair. Tough but fair

But seriously. This just happened. How does this continue in sports in the modern age? All arguments against replay are fucking idiotic. It helps you get the call right. If you believe that the calls being right are what matters, then you should be in favor of replay, in some form, in all applicable sports. Instead, this appears to have been the scene in FIFA's war room:

FIFA Exec 1: Wow, we blew that call. And the replay clearly shows that we blew that call. It would be really easy to take a look at the replay and reverse the call. Or at least we should make provisions to do that in the future.

FIFA Exec 2: No! Wait! I have a better idea! Let's just make sure that we never show the replay in the stadium again.

Exec 1: I'm listening...

Exec 2: Well, you see, that way we can keep making bad calls but there won't be any outrage over it!

Exec 1: Brilliant!

Exec 2: /blows vuvuzela from rectum

Stupid? Or REALLY FUCKING STUPID? I'll let you be the judge.

There's been all this discussion about banning the stupid horns (who gives a shit?) and not nearly enough discussion of FIFA's ridiculously obstinate stance regarding the use of instant replay. Whether it's baseball or basketball or soccer or curling or competitive ass-gargling, the arguments against using replay always come down to "it's not in the spirit of the game" or "it's just not the way things are done" or some other such asinine nonsense. Oh, it'll slow the game down? Fuck you. People LIKE watching sports. If they went on longer NO ONE WOULD COMPLAIN. In football, people fucking love replay. Time to expand that shit. I want replay in ALL aspects of my life. I want to be able to review past meals, past love-making with Ms. Picklette (the ruling on the field stands: brief and unsatisfying for the lady), teenage masturbation sessions (terrycloth not as soft as it looks in retrospect, moisture needed), past motion sickness (foul on my father for driving drunk while on windy roads) etc.

Okay, I think I'm done.

Oh, and here's a praying mantis.

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