Who Ordered DOOM SERVICE?

Do you know what just happened here? Here at my desk? It was the 11:30 Feeding. It happens every day. At 11:30. You see, first there's the 8:20 feeding. Its a slice of peanut butter bread that I eat with my eyes closed standing at my kitchen sink. It requires tremendous effort and herculean strength to chew bread and peanut butter that early in the morning. It's how I stay trim. I burn 458 calories chewing a single piece of peanut butter bread.

But it's not the peanut butter bread that had me evolve into one of nature's most lethal killers. I'm like the Floridian Shamu in my cunning patience before destroying my prey, day after day, at 11:30 AM. You see, that's when I have my cereal bar. In two bites. One time, a group of small children looked on while I ate my cereal bar at 11:30. They witnessed The Feeding. I can still hear their shrill, feeble cries, begging their absent mothers to stop the carnage. Sure, I can probably eat my 11:30 cereal bar in one bite. But I like to watch it suffer. Bloggers don't like to be fed, they like to hunt. RUN MY LITTLE CEREAL GOLDBLUMS.

Lunch is at 1:30. That Nissin CupaSoup will be shown no mercy. This is survival. Not a game.