Manifest Destiny: A Luncheon

What have we got for lunch today? Oooh! A KitKat! Fantastic! Break me off a piece of that KitKat bar. What? What do you mean "no"? I am entitled to that KitKat! This is America! God wants us to break off a piece of the world! The Indians gave me their Kitkat! All of it! I crumpled up the wrapper and let them live on it! They're totally cool with it...everyone will remember it this way! I asked the French for a piece of their North American KitKat- they broke it right off for me, and we became England's largest maritime rival in a day! This is what God wants! Everyone got all pissy, but you like New Orleans now, don't you?

Ooh...Is that a Butterfinger? I intend to lay my fingers upon it! Why do you recoil?! This is preposterous. I swear I will Monticello all over your insolent self lest I lay my fingers upon your Butterfinger. America is a melting pot of cultures, blah, blah blah. Have you seen what I did to Aaron Burr? I ruined him. Positively ruined him. I just wanted him jailed so I could eat his Snickers. Not going anywhere for a while? Not with those treason charges, friend! What a good sport he was about it though. Until he was banned from Europe, assumed a different name to evade his creditors, and died of a fatal paralyzing stroke, of course.

I do love appropriating lunch. Hmm? Yes...I...I do have an Eggo here. What? Are you shitting me? I INSIST THAT YOU LET GO!