Exclusive Interview

The Centaur Sleepover I-Journalist Team was able to catch up with Paul, a 38 year-old gutter working on 5th Avenue prior to the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

So what's it like today?

Shitty day to be a gutter, man. Like, your job is to literally take crap from people. But wow, today is awful. People think New Year's Eve is worse, but nah, man. See, people won't pull out their junk if it's cold, I get a lot less urine. I hate urine, bro.

Any special preparations? Is there a plan?

Uhh...I'm pretty much just going to continue to exist, I think. Like, I'll be here. Occasionally something will make its way toward me, and it will either get stuck somewhere on me or make its way down my grate. I don't know.

Haha that's really funny! Have you considered writing about your experiences?

What?

Describe the emotions that are running through your mind right now:

Oh you know. I'm not looking forward to all the green. Confetti, beer, vomit, urine. Green, green, green, and green. It looks like someone gunned down the Cabbage Patch Kids by the time they're done out here.

Many will look at you with thoughtless disdain today and well into tomorrow, is that difficult?

I mean. It's not really a big deal. I don't care all that much. Like, I've never talked before, but I'm doing it, and I don't really care. You know? I'm a gutter.

You're very brave.

I'm concrete and iron. What the hell is wrong with you?