Music from the 1980's gave us a lot of things. Drum machines, synthesizers, neon, and androgyny not the least of them. 80's music gives me a feeling of nostalgia for a time period that I pretty much did not exist in, except to inform my mother that I had, in fact, forgotten to wipe, or that my shoes had come untied despite how carefully I had tucked the laces into my socks. Seriously, I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was eight. But I learned morse code for fun when I was ten. Weird kid, bro. WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?
But most of all, 80's music gave us Questions. Sure, it gave us some answers. Joan Jett told us what she loved, and also let us know how much it cost to play her jukebox. About nine cents more than I'm willing to pay. Tommy Tutone ensured that no one will ever forget Jenny's number, even though I'm pretty sure every time I call it is an escort service. Not to say this is a bad thing. But we don't listen to music to learn, we listen to music to pine, celebrate, and confuse our senses into thinking that life ends in something other than death. Music makes us ask questions of ourselves, sure, but sometimes it makes us ask questions of the medium itself.
What the hell happened to the 100th Red Luftballoon? Did anyone send a note to its family? Do we just go on not caring about anything other than the other 99? What are the words to this song?! Also, it's pretty much assumed you know what a luftballoon is. Just go with it.
Sure, she blinded me with science. BUT WHAT DID SHE DEAFEN AND PARALYZE ME WITH?!
Public Enemy still has not paid their utility bill. Their shit is going to get shut off, and they're going to blame people like me. White, buttery people like me. Why won't you pay ConEd, Chuck D?
Foreigner wants to know what love is. Foreigner posts casual encounters craigslist ad and gets stabbed in neck. Corpse deported to country of origin. Did it really go down like this?
Just how late was Eileen making them? Like, you never want to be exactly on time to a party. But if it was already Midnight, we can't watch her change outfits twelve times. Ugh.
"We're Not Gonna Take It" is either about anal sex or a shortcut. ...Right? RIGHT?!
After Berlin's Breath was Taken Away, how did Germany recover? Was this the doing of a rogue Luftballon mayhap? "Something something something this is it boys, this is war!"
And the list goes on. Just how close is too close to stand to the Police? What if you're in danger? It's their goddamn job.
Sweet dreams are made of....made of....enzymes? Lemon pepper? Am I missing something? Do you know how badly I'd have been smacked as a child if someone had asked me "Hey what's in your hand?" and I responded "This"? Fucking Eurythmics.
Every Rose has its Thorn, but every thorn has its _________ ? The people have a right to know.
It's not such a futile search for answers sometimes though. For example, Dr. Feelgood was decidedly unlicensed. So at least I figured that one out on my own.
UOY EVOL I TUB.
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