The Mayor of Philadelphia is imposing a tax of two cents per ounce on any beverage that contains added or artificial sweeteners. It's called the soda tax, and it is expected to bring in $77 million in tax revenue for Philadelphia next year. Oh..what...it's not called the soda tax officially? What is it officially called? Oh, the Healthy Philadelphia Initiative. So is it a tax or an initiative? It's both! Laxative!
See, over 50% of Philadelphia children are overweight or obese. And it's all because soda is so cheap. A 20oz soda that will now cost 40 cents more means that instead of wanting that Coke after cutting Gym, chubby widdle Billy Delphia will now reach for a conservative handful of carrots and take up pilates. World saved? World saved. But wait, how is this a solution to both the $150 million deficit Philadelphia faces next year AND obesity?
We need those fat children to buy soda to make up the deficit! If the initiative works and it prices people out of buying soda, the tax revenue aspect will fail and the deficit will remain. If the initiative fails, Philadelphia will be rolling in dough. Dough they will immediately deep fry and and consume in an eating contest. We will be unhealthy or we will be insolvent, but Mayor Nutter will be damned if we'll be both. This will not make make children healthier. This will create some revenue, but will not bring Philadelphia's ledger into the black. If there was a tax on paradoxical initiatives, we wouldn't have this problem.
One day I'm going to follow in Mayor Nutter's footsteps and I'm going to fail at solving one problem by pretending to address two problems. I will call this parenting.
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