The Running Man

This little man has been running through my life since I was 12 years old. That was just about 12 years ago. And he still runs through my life. Most days of the week. Yeah, that's right, I still use AOL Instant Messenger. I'm not ashamed of it. There are a group of us who remember, and a group of us who still abide to the traditions of the dawn of the instant messenging era. Even more rare: I've been using the same screen name for twelve years. I made a decision in spring of 1998 that is still a part of my identity as far as other people recognizing me is concerned. My screen name is based off of the video game Duke Nukem 3D. The most important thing in my life at age 12. I was going to discover masturbation later that summer- It was the prime of my youth. In high school people thought I wanted to go to Duke. Now I explain that I did not go to Duke. I am the best PR rep Duke Nukem 3D has ever had, because even though the design studio has closed and the franchise has run its course, I still tell people about the game. I have to. Lest they think I wanted to go to Duke.

I have a fantasy where I'm awarded a library of books, and the pages of the books are just all of my AOL Instant Messenger conversations in chronological order. I wouldn't want any identifying information other than the timestamp and the two screen names. No context, no summaries. If I had forgotten who the person was, all the more interesting. "Who was OwwMyNuckinFutz?" Of course, I remember who that was in seventh grade. You never forget a name like that. But the satisfaction in seeing my screen name never changing once would be glorious. It would be insane and cringe-worthy and revelatory and funny and brutal. And it would all be words you wrote to other people, hundreds of thousands of little missives.

But society is trying to change me. Windows Messenger. Yahoo Messenger. Gchat. Ichat. Facebook chat. You can have them. I use some of them just as much as I use AOL IM. "Oh, I log into my AIM account through Gmail." I bet you do. And some people burn crosses on people's lawns. When AOL asks me to update, I say no for as long as I can. I have been clicking "Remind Me Later" for six years. Do you know of a snooze bar that keeps working for six years? I do. It's the left button on any mouse. "Why don't you just chat through your phone?" WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN AWAY YOUR LAND TO THE GOVERNMENT?

I will use AOL Instant Messenger until I'm just IM'ing myself, SmarterChild, and my former University Library Helpdesk. Then I might consider finding a quiet place to die in my sleep.

My Buddies: 118
Buddy Lists I'm On: 281

I talk to about 4 people on AOL Instant Messenger. My sophomore year of high school I decided to change the title of my Buddy List to "I've Gone Mad" because I thought it was charming. I still think it's charming, but I can't help but feel it's also becoming completely appropriate.