April Showers Symbolize my Tears

I thought about writing an April Fool's Day post. You know, something like "Due to creative differences, Centaur Sleepover will be disbanding immediately. Thank you for all your support." But then I decided not to. Because we have come to expect nothing but brutal honesty from the Internet and April Fool's Day fucks that up. Google is changing its name to Topeka?? WHAT?

You can call it gullibility, you can call it my trusting nature. But whatever it is, April Fool's Day is downright seditious to me. It completely fucks up my world view, especially on the Internet. The Internet is an unimpeachable source for two things:

1. Knowledge

2. Deviant pornography (NSFW, obviously)

And when either of those fails, nothing is right in the world. During the Super Bowl when the Bears were playing the Colts (what is that, 2 years ago?) Tony Dungy's Wikipedia page said "Tony Dungy was born, without balls, in Jackson, Mississippi." I didn't exactly believe it, but I didn't exactly discount it. It prompts the return of a classic:

When I was a kid, like preschool age, maybe a little older, I remember being distinctly upset on April Fool's Day. Why were people being intentionally deceptive? It felt mean-spirited. I just wanted to play and be happy and nice to everyone but they were all playing tricks on me. I had big nerdy glasses and was always the littlest kid in my class.

I was a meek child.

Luckily, I grew into a spiteful adult.

Happy fucking April.