Take another toke, have a blow for your nose

Do you ever look around, sniff, smell something funky, and then ask whoever you're with "do you smell something?" Sometimes the person will say "Oh yeah, it smells like cat food/cat piss/cat hair/usually something to do with cats, which I guess everyone agrees smell kind of bad?" And sometimes they won't smell it at all and will tell you so. And if they do, and you can still smell it, you sit there sniffing loudly and saying, more and more emphatically "What is that SMELL??"

I did this last night. And it turned out the smell was me. How embarrassing. Luckily, as soon as I noticed that it was me, I stopped asking what the smell was. Because I knew what the smell was. It was the intoxicating aroma of my sweaty feet and the BO from my arm pits. I ran out of anti-perspirant/deodorant a few days ago. The timing was terrible since it just started to get hot and I am a very sweaty man. You might not guess this from my size, but I seriously sweat just about as much as a person can sweat. It's gross. In the summer, I feel like Marlon Brandon in The Score.

I tried to find a picture of him from the scene in the steam room but I could find one. Or I imagined the scene. Whatever.

Do other people do this too? Sniff around, only to realize that they're the culprit? I'm not talking about when you fart and it's your own. That's a completely different scenario. If you're a guy, I assume you're like me and revel in the smell of your own farts. Especially if I'm alone, I'll fart, really loudly and smellily if I can, then sniff deeply and marvel at my own putrescence. Putridity? Both? No, that's a lovely experience. When you KNOW you're about to smell terrible and then real life confirms your prophecy? Awesome. But the harrowing realization that you smell terrible and didn't even realize it? That's a bad one.

Every morning I wake up and go "god, what's that smell?" My first thought is to blame the Desperate Picklette next to me. Within a half of a second, however, I realize that it's an awful cocktail of my morning-breath, my body odor and any residual flatulence of mine that has been trapped in the folds of the linens. A terrible odor.

Yep, I'm quite a catch.