You're going to pay me in WHAT?

Peanuts.

We're going to pay you peanuts.

Okay, no, that's not what I'm going to write about. I could tell you were worried again. Like I was going to write a whole post from the point of view of an elephant applying for a job. I considered it. It has promise. Lots of good puns. "Well, I'm proficient at all Microsoft Office applications and I've got a GREAT memory." But somehow I just wasn't feeling it today.

No, I wanted to write about The Internship. I don't know how we got to this point in our society. I really don't. I HATE the idea of an Internship.

It goes like this: You pay to go to school. You learn. That is your full-time thing. When you have to fill out any official forms, you put "Student" as your occupation. Either you go to public school and have paid through your taxes beforehand or you go to private school and pay an exorbitant amount of money after the fact to have your children be in classes without the distraction of minorities in the classroom. But this is the way things go.

Then you graduate from college. You are told you are the future. You are told you are the bright, shining center of the universe. So you go out into the world to make your fortune. However, if you want to work in an industry that anyone at all wants to work in, you can't go straight to having a job. No. First, you need to have an internship. And unless you get one of the sought-after internships in finance, this will be an unpaid position.

This unpaid position would be fine if you were merely observing, learning, being taught things. This is not the case. Instead, you will be shut in a small room, filing things and sorting different colored paper clips. It makes your resume look impressive that you interned at, say, The National Resource Defense Council. But deep down, you will know that all you did was get people coffee and try not fuck anything up.

Here's why this is a problem. Can you think of ANY other scenario in which you would do shitty work for free? Shit, a friend asks you to help him move, you're going to expect him to buy you a six pack or a pizza or something. But no. Internships instead take the people who are most passionate, most dedicated, most interested in the work and make them do menial labor for free. How do I know they're the most dedicated etc.? BECAUSE THEY'RE WORKING FOR FREE. Who the fuck else would agree to work for free other than someone who REALLY loved the work? And if you have a person like that, don't you think you should pay them something commensurate with their passion and ability?

Some go even further. Take the Williamstown Theater Festival in Williamstown, MA. They take a bunch of Acting and Directing and Design and Stage Management "Apprentices" and "Interns" every summer. But not only do they not pay you, YOU have to pay THEM. You pay them a bunch of money for room and board and for the privilege of working 18 hour days for them. I think that's pretty fucked up, but what do I know? I'm just the asshole who's actually considering do it...