What if....
Heaven WAS a bar?
They'd play everyone's best moments on the TVs, and it would be like Life Karaoke. Because in Heaven all your friends are dead and also in Heaven. And you don't get sad that your friends all died because you died too and you're all hanging out, doing Life Karaoke. We'd all take turns being each other in front of a past life green-screen. "GUYS LOOK! I'M DOING BILLY'S INSIDE THE PARK T-BALL HOME RUN AGAIN!"
The virginity-shedding blooper reel is for when everyone gets really drunk. Also, infinite drink specials, and you can just keep drinking but never black out or get hungover. And you periodically forget what drinks taste like, so when you get one you're getting it for what seems like the first time in forever. And in Heaven, maybe that is the case...CASE OF BEER.
But Heaven as a bar would have to close for one hour out of every hundred. So you could learn to appreciate it. And the other one hour would be spent watching sad things on Earth. Like Tyler Perry movies. AND THEN BACK TO HEAVEN! IT'S JALAPENO POPPERS SERVED BY JENNIFER CONNELLY NIGHT!
Also, Walken wiping down the bar. Constantly. The man never stops wiping the bar and telling fascinating stories.
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on the third day he rose again and ascended into heaven-bar, where he is seated at the right hand of walken; he will come again in glory to refresh the lushes and the drunks, and his pitchers shall have no end.
ReplyDeleteHell, on the other hand, is making gift bags till 2 am for all eternity. And when you go home to try to drink yourself to happiness, all that's in the bottle is ginger ale. But you drink it anyway and it makes you feel hungover nonetheless when you wake up four hours later. And then you have to go back and keeping making gift bags.
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