Of Nightmares and Dreamscapes

There are classic nightmares that apparently exist for people. Your teeth are falling out, the teacher calls on you in class and you're naked etc.

At some point, some of these nightmares become wonderful fantasies. In college, I dreamed about being able to go to class naked. I one time walked all the way across the quad on my way to French class at 9:30 in the morning before I realized I wasn't wearing pants. And it took so much effort to turn back around and go put on pants. Being in a big lecture hall naked would be so liberating. "What's that? John C Calhoun's initial association with the populist movement coupled with his love of slavery and states rights led him to eventually become an anti-Federalist and a leading secessionist? Oh. That's cool. I'M NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES."

/helicopters genitals

Another recurring nightmare when I was a kid was that I would be the one who would have to make an important shot in an important basketball game and I couldn't do it. I wasn't (still am not) good at basketball but somehow in these dreams, it all came down to me. And I missed. Always. And people would boo me and sometimes the hardwood floors would curl up like ensnaring fingers and grab and torture me after I missed. Now, I have the same dream only I make the free throw, the crowd goes wild and President Taft gives me a giant check for a billion dollars. And I don't even like basketball.

When I saw Jurassic Park in theaters, I think I was 8 years old. It was awesome but scared the shit out of me. For months I would have these nightmares where I'd be running from velociraptors ("clever girl") and they would chase me to the edge of a cliff and I would have to either jump or get mauled ("the point is... you are alive when they start to eat you"). I invariably would jump and then wake up screaming as I "fell" into my bed. Now? Now I wish I had a raptor to ride on. In my dreams, I'm riding velociraptors and shooting down terrorists in WWII era, Red-Baron-style bi-planes. Basically, my nightmares have turned into the best dreams combining Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and, if I'm lucky, Star Wars... I'm usually holding a lightsaber or hanging out with Yoda. Not "prequels-era-jumping-around-fighting-with-a-tiny-lightsaber-Yoda," but "awesome-smelly-puppet-awkward-old-shuffling-Dagobah-Yoda."

Also, I'm naked.