What a day to be a sports fan

What with baseball season starting, Donovan McNabb going to the Redskins, the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship Game, there's a lot of sports news out there today. But we all know what the real, compelling story is. I'm referring, of course, to the Tiger Woods press conference going on right now. No, I'm kidding. Sort of. I don't even know anymore. My appetite for and use of sarcasm is reaching is limits. But over-earnestness doesn't quite suit me. Maybe that's why I struggle with fandom.

Watching the Red Sox-Yankees game last night, I was reminded again of how utterly idiotic people can be in support of their favorite teams. I'm a Yankees fan. I make no apologies for it. They're the team I was raised to like. But I only dislike the Red Sox inasmuch as they are rivals in the division of the sports league that my favorite team plays in. I have nothing personal against any Red Sox players, fans, management, pets or affiliated android robots. Why would I? Red Sox fans, like Yankee fans, are just a subset of other human beings who have an arbitrary affinity for a sports team. There is absolutely ZERO rationality to it. When I was in college, the local bar I frequented was owned by a diehard Red Sox fan. Nice guy. I drank a lot sitting in front of him. He also had this almost uncanny memory for college sports mascots. He would routinely try to CONVINCE me that the Red Sox were better for any number of reasons. What's the point? Can't I just root for my team and you root for yours? And we'll joke about it in a friendly fashion and no one has to get hurt? When I was a child, and I mean a CHILD, like pre-elementary school, I was at a Red Sox game at Fenway. They were playing the Blue Jays, I think. For whatever reason, I was rooting for the Blue Jays. Don't ask me why. For all I know, I'd gotten the idea from a Joe Carter card. But some asshole behind be decided to pour beer on my mother and I for rooting against the Sawx. Again, to repeat, I. WAS. A. CHILD. A small child. This isn't to say that only Red Sox fans behave this way. Not at all. I'm well aware that going to Yankee Stadium in non-Yankee garb will get you thoroughly abused as well. I'm just saying that it's fucking stupid.

I go to every NY Giants home game. I am a fan. A fan who is lucky enough to have season tickets that his Dad pays for. But a fan nonetheless. And I am weekly appalled at how fans treat people wearing jerseys of the opposing team. Yeah, we get it, you don't like the Eagles. But what specifically do you have against Donovan McNabb? He always seemed like a nice enough guy to me. But okay, fine, he represents the team that you "hate." But the real question is what can you possibly have against the guy who's wearing a McNabb jersey? Do we do this in any other avenue of life? Can you imagine, you're on your way to a Springsteen concert, you see a guy wearing a Guns 'N Roses shirt and throw a bottle at him while screaming: "AXL SUCKS!!! GO BRUUUUUCEE WHOOOOOO!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!" No. Because that would be fucking stupid. And more than a little bit crazy. During the final home game of the Giants' 2007, when they were playing the then 15-0 New England Patriots, there was a perfectly pleasant appearing middle aged, WASPy woman behind me who started screaming, at the top of her lungs, "KILL BRADY! FUCKING BREAK HIS NECK!" Why? Why would you wish grievous bodily harm on a total stranger. There is a big difference between "SACK HIM!" and "KILL HIM!" When Dallas plays the Giants every year, the number of times you hear "ROMO IS A HOMO," or other similarly phrased witticisms is unbelievable. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING? Screaming out disparaging epithets for an entire group of people in a public place? Jesus. It's fucking disgraceful and oddly completely accepted. It's all in the name of "being a fan," which has apparently come to mean being a vitriolic cockbag.

You fucking idiots.