Sunday, February 21, 2010

You had me at "pizza"

You've seen these commercials for Domino's Pizza's new retooling (heh heh... tool) of their pizza? Sure you have. Well, according to my online order tracker, "Oumar put my order in the oven at 12:56." I'll admit. They got me. I can't even remember what the "old" Domino's Pizza tasted like. I remember that I didn't like it. And I really like this stuff. Half of me is ashamed. After all, I live in New York City, pizza capital of the world (Italy? Where? What?) and I'm ordering from a national chain of shitty pizza. I do this frequently. I would actually guess that I order from Papa John's and Domino's more often than any of the delicious authentic pizzerias surrounding me. The answer for this is simple. Domino's and Papa John's and Pizza Hut and the like aren't really pizza. They're delicious but they're not real pizza. It's like how Burger King and McDonalds are freaking amazing, but are in no way real food. So when it's entirely possible to be in the mood for Domino's or Papa John's but not really in the mood for pizza. When I'm really in the mood for pizza, I order real pizza. Domino's is the gummi bears of pizza. Not real, mostly unsatisfying but unbelievably succulent going down.

I'm a sucker for advertising in general, I make no bones about that. So this advertising campaign may totally be what has me. It's happened before:

1. Bud Light - There is absolutely no reason why I think I prefer Bud Light to Miller Light or Coors Light or Natty Light or Michelob Ultra or Amstel Light. Absolutely none. My taste buds suck. I have no way of telling which I like. If it's cold, I REALLY can't tell the difference. And yet there were so many great Bud Light campaigns over the years that I think I just gravitated towards them. Coors Light started to win me back with the fake press conferences ads after they totally alienated me with the nonsensical cool-down train commercials. These commercials were made by someone who is unaware that football is played IN THE WINTER. Everyone's all hot and sweaty and then the Coors Light train comes through and makes everyone chilly and fun. In reality, at a football game in December, you're about to light your own pants on fire to stay warm. Beer hardly does the trick. I've been known to sneak a flask of whiskey into a Giants game to keep my genitals from freezing.

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - I rented this movie only because the ads told me to. I knew it was going to be terrible. But the ads had primed me for the movie so much that I actually ended up liking it. It's really weird. And it's not like the commercials were great or anything. But they were moving images of superheroes and characters from comics that I had read as a child. I'm such an easy sell. The only way it could have been better is if Wolverine chopped the shit out of a Coors Light train.

3. NBA Playoffs - The ones with Jeremy Piven where he stops the action and looks right into the camera talking about how awesome the NBA Playoffs are? Yeah. I don't like basketball really. Or rather, I just don't follow. I like basketball just fine but I never watch it. I started watching the playoffs because of those commercials. And Jeremy Piven is a fucking crumb-bum but I still watched. For whatever reason, those commercials were awesome to me. They were the opposite of Dane Cook's baseball playoffs commercials. I love baseball and those almost made me NOT watch the playoffs. "People, it's the playoffs. One hundred and sixty two games and it's all come down to this. There's only one October!"

/Gets run over by Coors Light train

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