I can't believe they drew a fucking face on me. How long do I have to live? Three hours? Four tops? MAKE A DOGGIE! MAKE A DOGGIE! Make the pain stop. I know what you do with dogs like me when we start to get floppy. You don't even give me the dignity of taking me out back and popping me. You'll wait until I look like an octopus's used condom and then throw me away. AND I'LL STILL HAVE THIS SHARPIE SMILE. I could have been somebody. I could have been an Autobot.
Just...just promise me you'll rub me against your hair and stick me to the TV screen before I go. Can you do that for me? I love that. I don't have much time left...a dog can dream, right? Oh...dogs don't dream? Wow, you would tell me that. I can't believe you. Well, I bet you're also the kind of person that says inflated latex doesn't have crises contemplating its own mortality. Just keep me away from the fucking cat.