Wednesday, February 10, 2010

You call this a blizzard?



You call this a blizzard?

Why, in my day, we didn't even call it snow until there were eight, ten, twelve inches on the ground! What is this? TWO? Maybe THREE inches?

Fuck that.

If you can walk through it, it's not a snowstorm. Hell, if there isn't even enough on the ground for a friendly, bone-crushing game of snow football, I don't even want to hear about it.

Half of the people in my office are either "out sick" or "working from home" which is code for "Gigantic pussies." Society can't simply stop every time there's a little snow. Look at Minnesota! Or Canada! Or Iceland!

This isn't shit.

This is barely enough snow to get my dander up. I almost went outside in shorts. And sandals. With nothing but a bowl of chili to warm my hands and inflame my innards. Now, aught-nine, that was a blizzard! Why, the Death Bowl was so intense the next day, we broke a poor fella's rib. Yessiree. That was some good yellow snow.

Schools are closed. People are calling in sick. The B train has been preemptively offline since last night due to "inclement weather." Shouldn't we be waiting to see if the weather is actually inclement?

This is hardly even bad enough conditions for Canadian Tuxedo's father to teach him a much needed lesson in snow-driving humility. You couldn't flip a car in this if you tried. I know because I tried this morning. Admittedly, I wasn't driving so much as throwing molotov cocktails at the rear windshield of an SUV. Don't worry, it didn't flip. It just caught on fire for a little bit. No big deal.

Now this was a snowstorm. "Snow Day," featuring a stoned Mark Webber, and bizarre performances by an aging, but still sexy, Pam Grier and an aging but still sexy Chevy Chase. It's a terrible movie. "Entourage" fans will recognize one of the first major appearances by Emmanuelle Chriqui, aka Sloane. Brah. Dude, she's hot, brah. E like totally needs to get over her, brah. Can't be tied down by one chick, brah. Vinny Chase, brah.

This got rambling in a hurry.

Sorry, must be all the snow.

1 comment:

  1. yeah! do you believe these people, calling in sick!? and here the rest of us have battled the elements and come in to work. it's downright inconsiderate, i tells ya. next thing you know, people will be calling in sick the day after a major sports event that is traditionally accompanied by binge drinking!

    ReplyDelete