Yes, I'm well aware that's an abacus and not a slide rule. But slide rules don't look as ancient and obsolete. And "abacus" doesn't sound as good in the title. Okay, fine, I'm not a good writer. You and every ex-girlfriend I've ever had are right, I'll never amount to anything. Yes. Congratulations. Pick on the guy writing the meaningless blog. It's not like I'm in bed, in my pajamas listening to "Welcome to the Machine" over and over again or anything. I totally slip in "Have a Cigar" every third time through or so.
That didn't go how I wanted it to at all. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'm sorry. Can we start over? Hi! I'm Desperate Pickle. What's your name? Really? What a strange name... What do you do for a living "Bill"? Really? A publisher, you say?
/kicks Bill in the crotch
Why did I kick you, Bill?
/drops curling stone on Bill's now prone crotch
Why did I just drop a 42 lb (I watch Real Sports with Bryant Gumble!!) piece of sports paraphernalia on your junk, Bill?
/breaks Bill's cell phone to eliminate the possibility of 911 call
Because you make hardcover books you bungling twat-monkey. What hardcover books do is hurt the biggest fans of the author the most. They're the people who want to buy the books first, immediately when they come out, and they pay 2 or 3 or 4 times as much for this heavy beast of a tome that is ungainly and irritating to carry around. I bought Under The Dome by Stephen King right when it came out. I bought it in hardcover. Why I'm just getting around to reading it now is the fault of a little (not actually little at all) book called Infinite Jest that I'm still only 100 pages into but have to take a break from. But at least my copy of that book is paperback. It's a huge monster of awesomely funny, densely worded narrative and extraneous footnotes but at least it has a soft, papery cover.
My copy of Under The Dome weighs approximately 27 lbs and is nearly impossible to read on the subway. By the time I pry the front cover open, I have dislodged and possibly injured nine other passengers. Not to mention the weight of the thing causes my knees to buckle when it's in my bag, causing disruption to the natural flow of human beings on an narrow, underground means of conveyance.
In this age of Kindles and other "e-readers" (note: we should stop naming high tech things just "e-" or "i-" whatever they low-tech version of them is. We don't call hybrids "e-cars." We don't call lights "e-fires." Please, let's end this stupidness) it should be absolutely unthinkable not just to sell a book that takes up more resources and space on this already crowded and depleted planet of ours, but to charge MORE for it. I have an idea. Why not charge more for the paperback? They're infinitely better and more convenient.
What? Oh, sorry Bill, I forgot you were still down there.
/beats him to death with a Kindle 2.0
Motherfucker.
Oh. My. Gawd. Seriously! I must have said this exact thing to every person I've ever seen in/near a book store/isle my entire life! :claps: Well said new friend, well said.
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