I Would Eat This And So Much More

Look at that. Look at that delicious meal. Look at the meat, the vegetables. The subtle garnish at the end of the tear-drop dish. But this isn't for you. No, it's for cats. For as long as I can remember, I have been salivating at pet food. Commercial after commercial of tender, juicy lumps of meat being poured into a bowl or dish, ready to be lapped up without the use of utensils. Heaven.

When I was young I did my Christmas shopping at the dollar store. They sold canned dog food once. I couldn't afford to not buy it. I ate a lump of it at home, and it tasted only okay. But it smelled delicious and looked like cubed beef in gravy. I was disappointed. I later convinced myself that it was merely because I bought dollar-store dog food that it was not the sumptuous delight I had conditioned myself to expect. Any name brand food-Alpo, FancyFeast- those HAD to be as good as they looked.

Also, I would periodically ask my parents if it was okay for me to eat like a dog at the table. About once every two years, they would let me, and I would use my face to eat spaghetti or something. I didn't bark or anything, I just let my arms hang at my sides while I ate some of my food like a dog. I'm pretty sure this was their idea of a compromise for not letting us have any pets in the house. Did you ever have to pretend to be your own pet? No, I didn't think so.