Well, this can't be good

I went to the eye doctor this morning.

I've been going a lot since my LASIK surgery. I have 20/10 vision now but apparently I also have dry eyes.

I've gotten all kind of drops and ointments (that word makes me a little uncomfortable) and such.

The doctor has determined that I probably sleep with my eyes open.

...

...

WHAT?

I "sleep with my eyes open"??? How the hell is this possible?? And more importantly, how has no one noticed before? I have a mother. She's seen me sleep. I have a girlfriend. I sleep with her on a fairly regular basis. And NO ONE has ever been said to me "when you sleep, your eyes are open. It's weird." Or has no one told me because it freaks them out that much? Like when someone has a crazy scar on their face and all you want to do is ask them how they got it but instead you pretend you can't see it. Imagine the scene:

INT. NIGHT. A small bedroom in a Soho apartment. Desperate Pickle and his special lady are in bed.

DESPERATE PICKLE

Good night, baby.

SPECIAL LADY

Good night.

DESPERATE PICKLE

Love you.

SPECIAL LADY

Love you too.

He turns over to his side and begins to fall asleep. It takes her longer. They lie there for a few minutes, him asleep, her awake. After a while, he rolls over, still asleep. She looks down and gazes into his OPEN EYES. He is still asleep. Too petrified to scream, she merely gasps, breathlessly, mouth agape as the camera zooms towards her.

CUT TO:

INT. DAY. The kitchen. A small table. Desperate Pickle's special lady is having cereal and coffee. He enters the room, pulling a sweater over his head.

DESPERATE PICKLE

Hey honey. How did you sleep?

SPECIAL LADY

Uhhh...

DESPERATE PICKLE

Is something wrong? What happened?

SPECIAL LADY

(almost too cheerily)

Nothing! Nothing at all! Want some breakfast?

DISSOLVE TO:

TITLES:

THE END??

Fox just called me to option this spec script.