SCENE: A Neighbor's Backyard in Suburban Pennsylvania, 1993 CEMe: Oooh Joey you have a Power Wheels?! That's so awesome!
Joey: Yeah! It's the best! We should ride it!
Me: All I've ever wanted is a Power Wheels, I can't believe you have one and that we are such good friends!
Joey: Truly fate and the gods have allowed for us to become rulers of this tract of grass, which we shall bestride like noble colossi mounted on 4 rubber wheels!
Me: Yeah!
CHORUS (in unison): FAT FAT FAT FATTY FAT!
Me: What was that?
Joey: Oh no, it was the wizened voice of the majority, warning us that the gods don't want you to ride on this Power Wheels throne I possess.
Me: What? Nonsense! I am merely twice the weight of a normal seven year old! Gods be damned, Joey!
CHORUS (in unison): FAT FAT FAT FATTY FAT!
Joey: The oracle at Delphi foresaw this. I must exile you, both from this verdant land and this mobile throne from which I rule it.
Me: Oh, to have defied the gods in such a public, unhumble manner! Surely there is no greater sorrow than that which I feel now, of being too heavy for Power Wheels at so young an age!
CHORUS (in unison): FAT FAT FAT FATTY FAT!
Joey: Foul wraith! Take your corpulent peanut-buttered self away from this place! Lest you bring us both a fate worse than that of Prometheus, Sisyphus, and Oedipus combined!
Me: Your mom's a real dick. It totally would have been fine.
*Lists aimlessly on swing-set*
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