Pill-Popping Pre-Schoolers

Yes, Pill-Popping Pre-Schoolers. They're everywhere. Taking 6 hr nap-times, so doped up that their slimy Gerber baby doodoo butter is spraying out like hog death all over the letter parade. You should hear their slang these days.

Strollers = baby hooker addicts
Mama = drug pusher
Dadda = pimp dadda
Cookie = Xanax
Balloon= nitrous tank & balloon combo
Diaper = badunk
Kitty = crack, rock, salt, rock salt, meth, baby cat

And it's not just a few bad apples. In 2009 alone there were over 26 hundred dozen million cases of babies exhibiting this behavior.

There's no question that these babies are in danger, and it's our failure as adults that we haven't the heart to stop them. That's the tragedy. These aides and teachers and parents just stand idly as they shout and scream and kick and fling their disgustingly amorphous poop until they hand over the prescriptions and a hammer with which to grind them. And who can blame them? I can't. They're just so cute when they're tranquilized.