Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Valediction




Let's not look at this as an end. But rather, as a new beginning.

Our 100 days has passed. But another 100 days must begin. Such is the way of the world. For the next 100 days, Whofleck and Poop Snacks will be your blogging guides. Your surfing sherpas. Your daily denizens. Anyway, they will be posting every day for the next hundred. Be nice to them. We'll be around to post every now and then, too. Just in case you miss us. Which you won't.

This was a silly little experiment that we took very seriously (sort of) and we really appreciate you reading it. Especially those of you that read every day. We know that's a commitment. We hope we made you laugh or smile more often than not. We hope you'll stick with it. We certainly will. We're looking forward to the output from these two luminaries of the literary world.

By way of introduction, here are some informal biographies for our new fearless leaders.

Poop Snacks was born in the wilds of Botswana to traveling gypsies named Kang and Kodos Snacks. Naming their son "Poop" was just the most recent of their many mistakes. As a young man, Poop Snacks worked the salt mines of Mongolia until his young Mongolian bride was consumed by a Sarlaac pit monster and found a new definition of pain and suffering as she was slowly digested over a thousand years. Despondent, Mr. Snacks left the Steppes and made his way to the Caribbean islands where he found work as a Scuba diving instructor and part-time gigolo. Frequently, his clientele overlapped. For the last 47 years, he has worked at various times as an AIG underwriter and analyst, a Lehman Brothers asset-backed securities trader, a GM engineer, and a Major League Baseball player. He may be responsible for the downfall of society as we know it. He also may or may not be, in actuality, LeBron James. He is 92 years old and currently resides in Wichita, Kansas. This will be his first foray into the world of the internet.

Whofleck was born in the shadow of a bar called Buckets, and was raised by two dogs, a frightened cat, and three sisters. Also, parents. He fills his days finding ways to fill his days, and has a penchant for smoking and thinking in the barn at the edge of his father's property. He owns ridiculous clothing, and can grow an outrageous beard faster and more handsomerly than anyone this blog knows. He's a living tutorial on slawdogs and masking pain with apathy, two things this blog holds dear to its heart but will never master as he has. He is 23 and barely relates to his peer group. He is much more capable in water than on land, and has pretty, wide-set eyes ideal for evading alarmingly frequent predators. His diet consists mostly of cigarettes and whatever you've just offered him. He is a certified First-Responder and writes short fiction and poetry for pleasure. If you wind him up, he'll run for days.

Farewell, for now. And remember, keep watching the skis... skies

Pictured (from left): Steve Abrahamson, Lou Slifkind, Desperate Pickle, Abbie Johnson, a midget in a costume, an extra, Canadian Tuxedo, Carrie Fisher, Whofleck, Poop Snacks, Chewbacca.

It Was Earth All Along.
2/1/10 - 5/12/10 - ?


2 comments:

  1. Damn... and i was about to change my moniker.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a ride. Looking back over the entire body of work, it is really quite impressive. There were many moments of astounding creativity; the topics truly were.....varied. Thanks, guys.

    Top 9 Posts - Canadian Tuxedo:

    The Social Awkwardness Turbine (2/5)
    Something That Blew My Mind (2/9)
    I Would Eat This and So Much More (2/11)
    A Formal Invitation (2/23)
    Snow and the Nine Circles of Douche (2/26)
    Bring Us Your Groans, Your Eye-Rolls, Your Sighs (3/8)
    Have You Seen This Man? (4/16)
    Okay. Tell Me Again (4/22)
    Grape Expectations (5/6)

    Favorite Overall Post:

    Pleath, Thit Down (3/12)

    Passive creepiness, inexplicably horrifying caption image, just, well, confounding. This one actually made me uncomfortable. Bonus points awarded for the fact that I read this post out loud to get the full effect. This one was a total original. I still want to know what became of poor Thteven....


    Top 9 Posts - Desperate Pickle:

    Today's Forecast (2/25)
    Oscars 2010: Celebrity Circle Jerk Bukkake (3/8)
    An Open Letter (3/18)
    YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH (3/23)
    There Will Be Cud (3/24)
    You Lied to Me, Tim Salmon (3/31)
    What's the Etiquette Here? (4/16)
    I Can't Wait to be Old (4/26)
    A Borhani Bedroom Moment, Brought to You by Manischewitz (5/8)

    Favorite Overall Post:

    We Are All the Shai-Hulud (3/2)

    "All those bodies, moving in rolling unison, like the segmented corpus of the spice-making sandworm. We are all connected through this ecosystem, all tied to the melange, the spice."

    Why did this resonate? Why did this stand out? I don't know, but it did. The most elegant post in two hundred probably worked because it took the weakly slapped face of weekday drudgery and made it an epic adventure in the course of a paragraph. I just loved it.

    Special thanks to Pickle for turning me on to Mastodon's Crack the Skye. Oh yeah, and for the sideways glances I got at work when passers-by saw the picture on my monitor on the Monday following the Gold Medal game ("I Hate You Sidney Crosby").

    "It's not gay!"
    - David Brent

    Best of luck to Whofleck and Poop Snacks.

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