Athens, Rome, London, New York....Wellington

Make no mistake. New Zealand is the world's next superpower.

How do I know?

These men to your right are only eight years old.

Just look at 'em. Take a long, hard look. Go on, I'll wait.

Need more time? I know, it's...it's glorious

These ManBoys are ready to kill. They are well conditioned, eat 13 eggs, with steak, and salad bar (dressing...their choice) every morning. From this groin-grabbable crouching position, they are capable of springing thirty-fifty feet in the air, sky-gliding up to ninety miles! with up to eighty mph headwinds. That wasn't an exclamation point, it's a factorial. You do the math...the terrifying math.

There can only be one end, and it would look something like when Wolvie fought Batman seven hundred and fifty years into the future. Let me draw you a picture. We're gonna be batman. I know a lot of you kids are excited about that, and you're right, its a pretty sweet way to die. But that's only an artist's representation of what will occur. Oh wait, you might comment, consider this: we have anti-aircraft guns, missile defense systems, the Christian Right; we shouldn't fear these Kiwi-mouthed clodtroppers! (that was a real exclamation point). You're an idiot. You're an idiot and you should have stopped reading this three sentences in. That makes you worse than an idiot. You can't shoot down an flying, unarmed human with no concept of human decency or of the calamities they're sure to bring to civilization. You can only send out their closest match, which in Earth's case is Seth MacFarlane. Check the Geneva convention minutes-- I'm sure it's mentioned somewhere in there.

It's tragic that we can't find someone to do the dirty work. Shawne Merriman's too old, LT's too old and going to jail (though I'd like to see how those bars hold up to an LT sack), and most of the Wu-Tang clan has disbanded and/or is sitting on literary panels. We've got no heroes left. Even Canada will put up a legitimate fight with their 21st century James Bond. Sadly, no one in their right mind would bet on Seth MacFarlane to single-handedly beat the All Blacks.

Still, it's a fight to the death you can raise your family on.