Mom?

This is the post where I derail and potentially inflame a friendship with a lovely young female. She offered this article, written by activist Angela Davis in the 80's, as the foundation for a future discussion on the role of women in the home.

Boy, oh boy! Let's begin.

"Just as a woman’s maternal duties are always taken for granted, her never-ending toil as a housewife rarely occasions expressions of appreciation within her family."

Fuck you, Mom! More bologna sandwiches...like, fucking NOW.

"In the final analysis, neither women nor men should waste precious hours of their lives on work that is neither stimulating nor productive."

Honey!? This little infant wants to eat; AGAIN! ... I know! It's like the third time today!

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Sure, I'm being predatory. The essay is well-written and mostly supported. I just can't jump the hurdle of one half-claim she makes throughout the work:

Mothers should earn wages for being mothers.

Wait, what? Mom wants a twenty for that bologna sandwich? Forget it. The snack bar offers chicken tender combos for less than six bucks, and there's probably more TLC in a prepackaged Tastykake than in those abominations you call "Brown-Eaze." I guess I'm just a little lost. So having children is a choice?

Yup.

But you should be compensated financially through the government for not being chemically barren like a good little twenty-something from the suburbs? I remembered to brush my teeth this morning; where's my check? What about that nice lady who wore clothes in public this afternoon? How many government stipends can she redeem for not subjecting us to floppy-flesh?

Is the quality of the mothering in any way graded? Thanks, Mom! I suffered through your brutally absent and often demeaning parenting with almost no molestation and little psychological blow-back from that time you made me eat five pounds of Spotted Dick! Your check should be in the mail any day now! I mean, I bought my mother a bright blue Hydrangea for Mother's Day this year. Do you have any idea how difficult those are to find during that season?

Fully blossomed!?

I'm put off by the notion that being a mother requires monetary returns when you consider all of the indescribable wonders that mothering in the home lends a dedicated woman. Her hardworking man will never get to experience baby's first lie or that time I caught Adam wearing my underwear in the basement.

Okay, all jokes aside? I don't think mothers should earn wages because most of them do shitty work.

Dear, this sure is a lot of work.

I should be paid for it!

It was funny, but I am so fucked.