Blustery Days

Christopher Robin: Oh how I do love a good stroll through the Hundred-Acre wood! Such a fine lot of adventures it has brought me in my young life!




Christopher Robin: Wait! What's that? Over yonder hill? Why, I do believe it's my good friend Winnie the Pooh!





Winnie: Christopher Robin! My best friend! Hello! Have you got any Honey in that picnic basket of yours?





Christopher Robin: Well Pooh-Bear, I just might! Let's have a look!



/opens picnic basket










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/closes picnic basket








Christopher Robin: I knew I remembered to bring some, Pooh! But look, the honey is attracting bees! What should we do?

Winnie: Follow me, Christopher Robin, we'll run deeper into the woods where the bees can't get to us and our precious honey!




/run deeper into woods








Winnie: See Christopher Robin, I told you we would be safer here!





Christopher Robin: And right you were, Pooh-bear! A boy sure is lucky to have a friend like you, Winnie! Let's have a bit of this honey, shall we?




/phone rings






Winnie: Oh, Christopher Robin, what could that be? I think that tree over there is...ringing!





Christopher Robin: Well gee, Pooh...I guess you'd better answer it!


Winnie: Hello?






/labored breathing






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Winnie: Hello?








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Mel Gibson: So I've been doing some thinking and I'm ready. I'm ready to talk about forgiving you. Forgiving you, you know. Because we have a child together.


Winnie: Umm...may I ask who is calling?








Mel Gibson: May I....MAY I...are you serious with that shit? Do you think anyone believes you actually talk like that? They're laughing at you. This is Winnie's phone isn't it? I know what women want.


Winnie: Well...this is Winnie...and I am on this phone...but I don-





Mel Gibson: Jesus Christ. Jesus shit-eating Christ. How did you get so stupid? Do you think I'm a fool? You're making me look like a fool. Everyone talks about what a dumb idiot whore you are. You cunt. You're nothing. You're nothing. Go hide in those woods. It could be The Thousand- Fucking- Acre- Wood and I'll still fucking find you, you honey-felching dicktrap. One thousand acres isn't enough, let alone one hundred. I'm not going to let you make fool out of me. Apocalypto was transcendent.










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Winnie: Umm-











Mel Gibson: I SWEAR ON THE SIX POINTS OF THE JEW SHURIKEN! I WILL FIND YOU! I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL SWING AWAY MERRILL ON YOUR SMUG FUCKING CHILD-STEALING FACE. KEEP FISTING THAT HONEYPOT AND SEE WHERE IT GETS YOU! FIST THAT HONEYPOT ALL NIGHT YOU WORTHLESS SACK OF SEBUM! YOU ARE A PUSTULE! YOU DRESS LIKE A LITTLE PIGLET TRANNY DEPOT AND EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LIKE HOW YOU LOOK DRESSED LIKE THAT. IF YOU GET RAPED BY A PACK OF TIGGERS, IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT. I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY A PACK OF TIGGERS YOU HONEYED COMBDUMPSTER! A WHOLE PACK OF TIGGERS!









/hangs up treephone
//hears crying from nearby bushes







Winnie: Christopher Robin, I think I hear someone crying from those nearby bushes!







/bushes rustle










Winnie: Is he....is he gone?







/bushes rustle












fin