Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Smile Through The Pain, Kids!

Alexander: Hey, Judy! Ever hear of Time Study?
Judy: Sure haven't, what's that!
Alexander: Well, Judy...with the invention of many of our fine electric appliances, modern engineering and sociology have combined into a utterly stupid examination of how our mechanical and industrial masturbation can be used to simplify and automate many of the daily chores that we used to consider the definition of character in industrial human civilization.
Judy: But Alex, won't that displace hundreds of thousands of jobs requiring skilled labor in the national workforce?
Alexander: Ha, well of course Judy! But thankfully, those jobs are all held by Negros, Orientals, and the more undesirable European immigrants. We swell, white, upper-class Americans with our double-standards and casual disregard of reality risk only the promise of easier living and the degradation of motherhood over the value of good, hard labor; none of which we do!
Judy: That all sounds dandy, Alex, but I can't say I understood any of it.
Alexander: Naturally, Judy, because you're a woman. Your smaller, weaker mind is too busy worrying about what's in the oven and how fertile and attractive you are. I, on the other hand, benefit from innumerable male-focused advantages our culture affords me, at the small cost of my soul and any critical thinking skills! That allows me to wander aimlessly into made up professions, like Time Study for example, to squander my years of steady and extravagant income in the pursuit of alcoholism and sexual repression.
Judy: I don't mean to seem like a tart, Alex, but you would be interested in heading to the dance with me? You could suggest going steady and then grope me against my will in that shiny new Cadillac of yours!
Alexander: Judy, you had me at "tart." But unfortunately I've got to run upstairs and give your big brother the fucking of his lifetime! If you hear his soft whimpers later on, don't be alarmed. It just means I decided to finish in his throat and then break his stupid nose.
Judy: That's a Strawberry Shortcake, isn't it?
Alexander: Oh, Judy! I would shut that smart mouth of yours unless you want to be deemed a lesbian and lynched!
Judy: Okay!

1 comment:

  1. Judy: Oh Alexander, name one lesbian that has ever been lynched.
    Alexander: Jane Lynch.
    Judy: Well holy shit...