Cap'n Firebeard at'chor service, me hearties! And how can a gentle man borne as me be worthy to such a fine crew? A story!? A tale uh some weathered sea dog to whet'chor Southern lust! So be it.
Sit thee down and listen well...
There was I, four feet to danglin' from the hempen halter! The hangman, a salty one-eyed son of a bitch, grinnin' gold and ready to brand me into Davy Jone's eternal service was all twas keepin' me neck from straightenin' out sum'pin fierce. Yars truly was starin' into the frothy yawns of a world about to pass, no schemes to spare. It was the end, lovelies!
The bastard's seaweed lips parted and sum'pin came stinkin' up. "Let's see ya hoist that rag now, pirate-slime!" he belched. Oh, I was done in! One off! So many songs unsung! Do ya hear it, chil'ren? The final desp'rit gasps uh yar beloved hero!? Ya're not alone, lil' lubbers.
Hornswaggled by Death 'imself, I cast off a final prayer...a bargain to whatever gods would take and warrant my pitiful soul!
"Spare yar humble servant!" I bellowed, "AND ALL ON MY ACCOUNT BE YOURS!" Sum'pin greater than we must've been listenin' that day, my babbies! Must've known all I'd stashed away in me years of freebootin' and plunder! 'Cause not a moment 'fore I was to come tumblin' back to the maker than did a 'orrible gust rise from the tidewaters. A gale blustered me would-be murd'rur off the gallows and he was dashed upon the rocks; his neck and not mine snapped on that sacrificial platter! The same magic wind sliced me free uh me grim collar, and sooner than you could seal a hogshead were I back with me duffle, jaw full'a steel and climbing that long ladder to me vessel and the oceans uh freedom beyond!
Since then, young lads, I hammer the drums uh thanks to that phantom in the winds. I beat on, bless'd immortal by sum'pin wit no name. And if ya listen good, ears high to the whistlin' dark, you just may hear me gamble repeated.
...And all on my account be yours...
Be warned, young picaroons: ya make a deal with devils, and ya just may become one.