How Chemical Castration Saved My Marriage

IT REALLY WASN'T ALL THAT BAD WHEN I LOOK BACK ON IT, YEAH, I KNOW, IT SOUNDS ROUGH BUT ACKCHULLY I GOTTA BE STRAIGHT WITH YA, PAL, AFTER THE THE FIRST FEW TREATMENTS THE SEARING PAIN IN YOUR SCROTUM DOESN'T LESSEN SO MUCH AS YOU GET USED TO IT, ONE THING I CAN SAY FOR SURE THOUGH IS THAT YOU DON'T GET HORNY ANYMORE SO WIFEY LOVED THAT, JUST A LOT OF DARK CHOCOLATE AND MATLOCK RERUNS AND ME SWEATING THROUGH THE NIGHT WITH AN OLD LEATHER BELT BETWEEN MY TEETH TO BITE THROUGH THE SLEEPLESS UNCEASING PAIN, ANYWAY THE GUYS DOWN AT THE CLUB HAVE REALLY NOTICED HOW I DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MY WIFE ANYMORE, BECAUSE I AM JUST SCREAMING CONSTANTLY AND YESTERDAY I BROKE A TUMBLER IN MY FIST AND TRIED TO FEED IT TO MY THROAT BUT CARL STOPPED ME AND SAID I SHOULD JUST WATCH THE GAME AND HE WAS RIGHT, I SAID TO THE DOCTOR THIS MORNING "DOC" I SAID THIS MORNING "DOC I REALLY GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, I THINK THIS WHOLE THING IS ACKCHULLY WORKING" I SAID THIS MORNING TO DOC, AND HE JUST LAUGHED AND SIGNED THE PAD AND TOLD ME TO KEEP GETTIN 'EM FILLED, RIGHT ON YA DOC, ACES I SAID, TONIGHT I THINK I'M FINALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH THAT BOX OF OLD THERMOSTATS FROM THE SEVENTIES IN THE BASEMENT AND SMASH THEM ALL ON THE FLOOR, THEN I'LL JUST ROLL AROUND IN THE PAINTED GLASS AND LOOSE MERCURY THAT SPILLS OUT OF THEM, JUST TO PASS THE TIME TO MAKE THE NIGHT MORE FUN, I THINK I'VE ALREADY SEEN TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF MATLOCK AND IF I HAVEN'T NO BIG DEAL THE BOYS DOWN AT THE CLUB WILL JUST FILL ME IN TOMORROW AFTER WE'RE DONE WITH THE LOTTO TICKETS