BURNABILITY: The cage is a hulking behemoth of cold steel arranged only in 90 degree angles. The match is designed to bring the FIYAH. EDGE: MATCH
METALNESS: We will turn the scoring over to special guest judge Zakk Wylde, of Black Label Society and Ozzy Osbourne fame. Zakk? "Well, this is pretty fucking dumb, first of all. Only one of these fucking things is made out of fucking metal at all. But I guess fire is Pretty Fucking Metal. Just ask James Hetfield on the Black Album tour. That guy knows how fucking metal fire can be. If the match is on fire, it wins. But fuck it, nothing is more metal than metal. How much more metal can metal be? The answer is none. None more fucking metal." EDGE: CAGE
USE AS A SYNONYM: "Match" means "to make a paring of" or "to bring together". "Cagey" means "crafty, shrewd, wary of being deceived". Who the fuck would win in a fight? It's like bringing a bunny to a book-burning. Zakk Wylde agrees. EDGE: CAGE
WEAPONALITY: The cage can protect as well as it can contain, offering two measures of safety. However, unless you are dropping that cage, it's pretty worthless as a weapon. The only conceivable improvement on any weapon is to make it a flaming weapon.
UNFORTUNATE REMINDER OF A ONCE-GREAT BUT NOW-LAUGHABLE WIG-DONNING MALE ACTOR: EDGE: MATCH
WINNER : MATCH
That is a fantastic tag/label.
ReplyDeleteI've been spoonman'd.