Horrible Happenings on Earth Part II

College football. Oh my god college football. I can rarely be persuaded to care about college football games, and every time I watch one I'm reminded of why. I watched the TOSTITOS FOR ALL THE MARBLES BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP on Monday, and I saw four or five players who are going to make it to the NFL and a bunch of really in-shape college kids. I also saw a fuck ton of mistakes that pretty much determined the outcome of the game. That's right, 2,000 pounds of fuck.

These teams don't play for like a month, and then they come out and we're supposed to a) still be caring about college football, b) respect this game as the national championship even though it is undermined by the talking heads as soon as it is over, and c) believe that college football and the sponsored bowl system isn't the shadiest shit ever.

People love college football. I get it, I love holding broccoli and pretending I've just uprooted a tree. It's kind of the same, in that both of us are pretending. The most decisive play of the game Monday night came when everyone thought the play was over, including the ball carrier- who might have been down anyway.

I'm excited for some of the players, the guys who will never play in the NFL and got to win a bowl game on teevee. That must feel awesome. But we don't hear about them. We hear about the star players going to the NFL and how the NCAA ruled they they aren't thieving opportunists and that they aren't taken adavantage of and how we're all lucky to watching this star player make a star star on the star yard line star.

Just pay them already. Unless they lose.