Thursday, December 23, 2010

Your Wi-fi is Showing

I'm typing this from the inside of a generously appointed Delta airplane. Well, not so generously appointed. Also, the 4 Kati Rolls and 6 chocolate chip cookies I ate right before going to bed last night have ensured me a gastro-intestinally uncomfortable flight.

[Side note: When I was a kid and completely unaware of the existence of green and blue screens, I had NO IDEA how they filmed shots like the above for movies. Every time a plane flew in the movies I just assumed that they had another film crew in a plane flying dangerously close and filming through one of the little windows or something. "How expensive and luxurious," I thought. I was an idiot. But the movies were much more fun when I believed in their magic.]

At any rate, they have Wi-fi on this plane. I have seen this a handful of times before but never used it because I'm too cheap to pay 6 dollars for the internet for 5 hours. This is, of course, moronic since I happily shelled out $13 for 2 and half hours of Harry Potter that I only vaguely enjoyed.

[Second side note: Did anyone see that movie? The latest installment in the adventures of the little wizards? The pacing was atrocious. I guess the movies are made for children with no attention spans but the whole 2 and half hours felt like it was just one rapid-fire event after another. The first scene began with like 12 people in a room, none of whom were introduced. At this point in my life, my brain can hardly be expected to recall the characters from a book I read once, 4 years ago, let alone which undervalued British thespian plays them in the movie. I'm not shirking my fandom, I was definitely a Harry Potter fan. But I guess my memory isn't what it used to be since I spent the first 30 minutes of the movie trying to figure out who everyone was and what their relationships were to one another. Still, entertaining.]

So here I am using the internet at 36,000 feet. Bow before me, ye mere mortals! Look upon your new god and tremble! Witness the marvels of Amazon at this altitude! Gaze upon the wonders of Wikipedia at this airspeed! It's a good thing that Ms. Desperate Picklette is next to me or you know damn well I'd be pushing the boundaries of legality and good taste by viewing progressively inappropriate websites and trying to hide my screen and erection from my neighbor. As is, I feel somewhat naughty doing this in public. This is the least private space I have ever Centaur Slept-over in. It's like my dick is hanging out and I'm aware of the breeze but unaware of the extent to which my genitals are exposed.

Ah, air travel.

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