Come and sit.
No, no! I'm not going to prattle on about grocery shopping or scrotum, don't be ridiculous. There was a time for that, and it's gone now. Let us instead focus on what's really important;
The OED, our human bible, defines reliability as follows: the ability of a person or system to perform and maintain its functions in routine circumstances, as well as hostile or unexpected circumstances.
Oh my. Nails, heads...everything is being hit right tonight! Far be it from me to compare myself with the level of "person," but I am doubtless one highly functioning son of a system. Routine!? You bet your squarely cushioned ass I am. Maintenance, however, that is our keyword. There has been a lull. I have been living in a swamp of my own excess. Neglect has corrupted the prime directive:
I thought the culmination of this life of sin was two days passed, but I am a fool. Even now, this Ghost of Summers' Past haunts me. The chains rattle against my bedpost, breaking a cold and dreamless sleep.
"WHERE WERE YOU, MAN?" it bellows. "WE NEEDED YOU MOST!"
Never again. Everybody hurts, but as an intelligent being, I know there is so much more potential inside me. I am the designer of these systems within which I function. I am the machine divining machines. I am the sum of my parts, and under the circumstances, hostile or unexpected, I must work.