Monday, December 13, 2010

Hellth Services

Dear Student:

Poop State University requires that all students be immunized against measles, mumps, and rubella and submit their immunization information electronically. Great!

You will find terrible directions for submission and additional frustrating information regarding the meningitis immunization, other recommended immunizations and medical clearance at our poorly designed website.

Your online reporting is used to determine if Poop State's immunization requirements are satisfied. WE DEMAND SATISFACTION. Therefore, the dates must be accurate. Non-compliance may impact your ability to register. Or live.

There have been increasing numbers of cases of mumps and measles on college campuses in recent years. Ha-ha, WHAT? This has got to be a lie! If there is an outbreak at Poop State and you are not fully compliant with the immunization requirements, you may need to receive additional vaccinations (or your first ones apparently, you disgusting boil), leave campus, or be restricted from class attendance for a period of time. No class, guys. I'M NON-COMPLIANT.

Welcome to Poop State. I hope your time here is happy, successful and healthy.
From what I've read, it will be none of those things.

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