Thank You For Bagging

There are only a few things that make me tremble with an unreasonable rage at the drop of a hat. People typing "thx" in emails is one of them. But I don't think anything disgusts me more than the able-bodied person who will not bag their own groceries when there is no attending bagger. They stand and stare, with glazed eyes and an open mouth, sucking in air while the teenage cashier hurriedly scans items into the register. A massive pileup of food forms like a reservoir on the counter at the end of the conveyor. And these people, if you can call them people, just do NOTHING. You understand why we would promptly lose World War III if there was a draft of the general population when you stand behind these individuals in line.

Instead, they wait, with their little cards in their their little gloved hands, humming to themselves or looking at the covers of tabloids or wondering if Mr. Shue will do a tap routine tonight. Anything but helping- after all, that's NOT MY JOB. Why should I bother to make the life of a grocery clerk easier, shorten my own time running an errand, and speed up the line for that grocery aisle- it's simply NOT MY JOB. The best is when they have the nerve to be impatient about the checkout process while they still do nothing to help. They will hastily pick up each completed bag by the cashier (who is still trying to get the manager come over to confirm with the register key the correct price of Shiitake mushrooms) and shift anxiously from foot to foot, staring angrily between the pile of food and the cashier. I can't help but admire the cashier who recognizes this but doesn't give a fuck, which is often. The cashier who lazily rolls a jar of artichoke hearts between their hands on the way to gently placing it in the bag is someone I can support. They are a time terrorist, and they get paid by the hour. Your time is so precious, impatient non-bagger? Watch as Ramone keeps you here 90 seconds longer than you would have wanted. VIA CON DIOS, RAMONE.

Get fucked, people who don't bag their own groceries.