Mom, They're Pointing At My Pubis!

In my life, there have only been a few times when I've been sufficiently impressed by an incident involving strangers that I've come home ecstatically declarin': That shit just made my fucking day!

1) Everyday gridlock

2) Random lady tried slapping the cashier at Duane Reade, missed, knocked over the tray of chapsticks into a path of another old man who slipped and fell down.

3) Everyday bullying

Now it is I who has the pleasure of knowing I was the object of a repressed pointing finger and hyena call from a young woman who watched me walk directly into the corner of a wheelchair access ramp-railing engineered incidentally to be the exact height of Poop Snack's pubis. Yes, that's right, that critical part of the pelvis finally made me pay for all these years of neglect. One minute I'm enjoying the smell of freedom and sunshine, glancing over to see what appears to be a female, routine, and then BAM!

World: 6,008, Poop Snacks: 5,991

If you have never had your pubis directly impacted by a hard metallic object, [ugh, too many terrible joke choices...], then you wouldn't know how strange it is to keel over grabbing your crotch and not feeling any pain in the testicles. It's like having a ghost arm, or being a decapitated chicken. The casual onlooker sees a man belatedly protecting his hanging fruit, but in reality, it's the branch that's been cracked. The only solace I have is that somebody saw this, watched the whole hilarious shabangabang, and probably went home glowing orgasmically, or so I assume, as she relived my pubis-folly endlessly in her head while tantalizing her own.