Take a turtle. Put it on its back. Remember where the head is.
Don't worry, their only defense is sheltering themselves. They can't defend aggressively.
Grip the tail-end. Spin.
Look directly away from the epicenter.
Speak to the swirl in a funny upper-class British accent (don't worry if it's not accurate -- you should be alone by this point).
Note new position.
Place turtle shell-up.