Surrender!

Windows has encountered a fatal problem with: "Fulfilling a Promise"
The following services: Dedication, Friendship, Endship, Blogging
have been disabled to prevent you from further damaging your ancient overheating laptop.
If you cannot afford a new machine, Windows advises you to: GFY, B
Any attempts to restart in Safe Mode will instead force you into Pain Mode
For instructions on computing while in Pain Mode, see: Ichi The Killer