RAY DRECKER: Hung.
DON DRAPER: Madman.
RAY DRECKER: A high school baseball star drafted by the majors only to suffer an early career-ending knee injury. Now a sad-sack high school teacher and coach whose marriage has crumbled. With his home recently destroyed by fire and uninsured, Ray turns to male prostitution as a means to support his fat Goth kids and pay for home repairs.
DON DRAPER: The son of a whore who died in childbirth, Don's dad got his mug shattered by a stable horse shortly thereafter. After stealing a dead man's identity during the Korean War, Don fought his way to corporate success while becoming progressively mired in his own web of selfish deceit. Now divorced and renting, Don is trying to swim a bit and lay off the booze. Good luck, Don!
THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM:
RAY DRECKER: His Ex, all clients who mount his giant penis, the neighbour's wife, and his two dueling female pimps
DON DRAPER: Secretaries, psychologists, department store owners, wives of comedians, hipsters, schoolteachers, Pheewrap.
RAY DRECKER: Hoodies and sweatpants.
DON DRAPER: Suits. Impeccably tailored, impossibly expensive suits.
EDGE: DON DRAPER
WINNER: DON DRAPER!