OK, I'll reluctantly acknowledge the fact that cell phones are never going to go away and that people will be on them for no apparent reason at seemingly ridiculous times - FOREVERMORE.
Fine. I get it. But there's a line, dammit. The phone calls while shopping? I'm over it. The dude in the bathroom stall who is chatting happily while explosive blasts of gas and excrement pepper the dialogue? Swing away, Merrill. But sometimes, even after you've sacked up and decided that it's the way of the world and you've got to budge, well sometimes - certain stuff just gets to you.
Super Fresh. An ATM right beside a Coinstar machine. I need some cash. Next to me, the woman walks up, coffee jar in hand, cell phone cradled to her ear.
"Yeah. It say 7% but I don't have no bank. I'ma do it here."
I close my eyes and exhale. I swipe my card and punch my keys. The ungodly jangle of pouring coins fills my head like a minted, coppery vuvuzela.
"Haha aight it's goin' now. It's countin'. I'ma wait, hold on."
Christ, little machine teller, it's only a pair of twenties. What are you looking for in there?
"Haha aight I'ma tell you. One dolla... Two dolla... Three dolla... Hold up it's countin' still. Aight -there it go - fo dolla..."
The bills mercifully drop. I snatch them up and stalk through the automated double doors, jaw set, eyes narrowed. The delighted laughter of someone who is still counting follows me out into the parking lot.
Halfway to my car, I realize that it is only going to get worse for me in the years to come...
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