Thursday, October 21, 2010


Consider the vasectomy. A simple, voluntary procedure enabling the patient to enjoy peace of mind and a higher quality of life, assuming the results of said procedure are understood and desired.

After all, don't we all just want to be understood and desired? I digress.

Consider the vasectomy. The severing of tubes, nothing more.

Is it wrong of me to think, from time to time, of undergoing a similar procedure on my vocal cords? I mean, they do it to dogs, and people love dogs. More than people, in some cases. Hell, in many cases. Unless they are enormous dogs. And rabid. And anal rapists.

My point is this: voices are overrated. And becoming increasingly useless.
Think of the possibilities. No more small talk. No more banal phone conversations. No need to be witty or think on your feet. No speaking out of turn, no "saying things you don't really mean." No presentations, no toasts, no snorts or chuckles. Bombast would cease to exist.

Everything that you communicated would be measured, logical, and important enough for you to write or sign. Additionally, you would master facial expressions, and possibly braille.

Finally, no matter what you did, no matter how depraved or beyond the pale, you would have an out.

You were simply desperate to express yourself.

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