It's Evolution, Baby

The university experience was a time of learning, a time of growth, a time of simultaneous indulgence and deprivation, and a time of glorious transition.

One of the transitions I enjoyed most was the regular transition of Chicken Parmesan grinders from Overbrook Pizza into bodily waste. Don't get me wrong, the initial consumption of said grinders was equally as marvelous an experience, but the aforementioned transition into waste paved the way for one of my fondest collegiate memories, the Poop Kit.

The Poop Kit was a well-known bathroom essential for young Pheewrap. While its daily preparation would elicit the occasional snicker or off-colour remark from my dear roommates, in my heart of hearts, I firmly believe that simple envy drove their derision. A few minutes prior to the fecal experience, I would dutifully collect the most functional and comprehensive list of bathroom aids you ever did see:

THE POOP KIT (circa 1998)

Portable CD Player

Pack of Marlboro Lights

Zippo Lighter
Ashtray

Small Sandwich

Soda

Gaming or Adult Magazine

Stashed Roll of Cottonelle

1 Tin Skoal Straight (optional)

Cuspidor (also optional)

Those were the days of reckless excess, of course. As the years pass and the times change, so too must the personal institutions that have sustained us. In the spirit of this evolution, a simplified, streamlined, and crisply executed approach to a time-honoured tradition is called for:

THE POOP KIT (modern day)

2 Cans Light Beer
Laptop

I know that somewhere, Darwin is smiling.