Monday, October 11, 2010

Ephram Bejeezus

Here are today’s highlights:

Carrie Fisher snorted coke with other Star Wars cast members on the set of The Empire Strikes Back. Drug use was limited to the Hoth scenes - for reasons any decent fan would readily appreciate. Prior to this development, only two words came to mind when I thought of drug abuse within the context of the Star Wars Universe: Salacious Crumb.

Tom Brady and Randy Moss got into a recent bitchfight over their respective hair. Randy told Tom that the new ‘do made him look like a woman. A 6’4” 225 lb. gridiron slut just ripe for the taking. Nice.

Today marks the 50th day of Centaur Posts for Pheewrap. You know that feeling when you swim out too far and turn around, only to realize that you’ve got to make your way back to shore? Watch Gattaca. You’ll never look at whiskers the same way again.

Unnamed aging coworker regaled a few of us this morning with some cell phone pictures taken inside a local watering hole. The photos consist almost exclusively of the cleaving of young women between 25 and 35 years younger than said coworker. Hint to those in the know: he really likes the smell of hops.

In related news, I have not seen Brett Favre’s penis yet, but anyone with the early gossip is free to comment.

Dinner tonight is likely to be stuffed shells. I also need a new black belt.


Postscript: After review, I realized I referenced the "cleaving" of young women as opposed to the "cleavage" of young women. I chose to leave it in its original form. I will ask my brother what this mental gaffe indicates. He's a doctor.

1 comment:

  1. "What do you do?"

    "Murders and executions, mostly."

    "Oh, how do you like it? I have a friend that's in Mergers and Acquisitions."

    //from memory