Ohai!

Coiled snake of smoke
Burble bulb of blissful breath
Cheaper than you think

Back. To. Front.

It's just how I roll. Toilet-roll, that is.

Yes, the rumors are true. I wipe my butt-hole differently than you (everyone) do (does).

Want to wipe like Whofleck?

Step 1: After pooping, stand up.

Step 2: Get a folded length of TP.

Step 3: Bend over your knees, feet planted, as if trying to look behind and between your legs.

Step 4: Wipe from back to front.

Step 5: STEP4STEP4STEP4STEP4

Congratulations! If you aren't laughing or horrified right now, you are both

a) the owner of a clean asshole

b) a normal, healthy adult human