Day Thirteen

Day Twelve

Day Eleven

Day Ten

Day Nine

Day Eight

Day Seven

Day Six

T-Rexes Aren't Known For Their Posture

This is moot.
He founded 4chan many years ago, and is currently championing a new site.
It is called canv.as and it is fun. It is essentially a real-time MSPaint session for editing images. He spoke about it during a keynote speech at a web-development conference below the Mason-Dixon Line, and I caught the whole thing in a stream. Unfortunately, infamous as he is, the presence of moot leaves something to be desired...he has terrible posture. Like, the worst posture ever. And he kept doing this shit with his hands as if he were rubbing them in malicious plotting or keeping the cold out like a rheumatic old woman. I thought he looked like a dinosaur.
So I captured a revealing screencap of him at his most T-Rex and posted it to canv.as...

The following edits came in a storm:

My post is now the most popular post on canv.as.
What I show you here is simply a taste of the 100+ edits that have since been born.
To put it lightly, friend:
I have reached my peak and been dethroned in a single sweep.
Just sign up for canv.as.
You don't need me anymore.

Day Five

Day Four

EBRBRBRBRBRBRBR!

Akira Kurosawa's Dreams are coming true.
There will be a nuclear meltdown on the island of Japan, and the future lack of vomit porn and animated child rape will be suffered with iron resolve: I'm calling it. This is how Pokémon will be born. I, for one, welcome our new Demonic Asian Overlords.

8.9 MUTHAFUCKA!
Gotta get to the West Coast and get my surf on
before the FUN arrives.

Day Three

The Things We Do For Love:

Post creative dark humor for several months [x]
Shit gold on Sundays [x]
Never masturbate on Sundays [x]
Cleverly weave funny links [x]
Continue WINNING [x]
Share long-repressed memories [x]
Get you to care [ ]

Day Two

Silly Boys!

Hands off! Heeheehee!
I know what I like and what I DON'T like, okay? I'm strong and I don't need a bunch of icky NERDS ogling ME! I do what I want when I want, are you scared? You wouldn't even know how to handle someone like me...gosh!
Let's see...I love killing Jews, putting glass shards in the eye sockets of my raped and murdered victims, physically consuming famous works of art, tricking my brother into unleashing the Kraken, you know!
CUTE STUFF!















































Well, boys, I should really be going to bed. /wink
Don't spend all night looking at pictures of me, that's gross and such a turn off! YUCK.
I should could use a massage, though...
/wink
/kiss

Day One

No Booze? Psh. No Problem!

So far nothing out of the ordinary. No shakes. No curling up in a sweating heap in the corner of my kitchen, doubled over like Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. This shit is going to be easy, right? I sleep five feet from an unopened bottle of Johnny Walker. No matter, I haven't been glancing at it every 20 minutes or so. When I was mixing tuna salad for dinner I didn't think about how great a big cold domestic light beer would be. No big deal.No big deal. No big d-

What Is This I Don't Even

I am being sued.
I am behind on my reading.
I am disheveled.
But I feel grape. Fat Tuesday, bro...Doughnut Day.
But we've had this dance before, and stranger ones await.
Pause. Reflect. Do you even realize the magic of that image?
We've got a young girl, a fencer, as clever allusion to a scene in my fantasy book.
We've got a BP sponsor in the background. Wow, don't even need to go there.
And yes, we've got the Olympics. You know which one, with the logo that looks like Picasso's rendering of fellatio?
The sword bending slightly to the right? Think about it. I just made most of the men reading this blog feel funny.
I knew a kid in high school who fenced; real douche.
This is getting absurd, disjointed, and I should stop.
I should stop before this gets anything like Dave Legeno's biography: a must read.

Mazel Dog

Is there any way to celebrate besides hot dogs? Sure, some people prefer champagne, or cigars, or confetti and bare breasts. But is there anything so wholly satisfying as small cooked tubes of ground beef and pork and lordknowswhat? I submit that there is not. Mazel Dogs can be covered in diced onion, chili, or slaw, then slathered in kethcup and mustard and served with beans and old bay frnech fries. It's the only way to welcome a new era of paying tolls and accruing debt. Mazel dog, man. They grow up so fast.

"Winter Is Coming."

I mean, I absolutely love it, but...
Kiss my sword, indeed.