I Have A Flask...

I have a flask that says somebody loves me.
I have a flask and it is never full.
I have a flask, but I keep it hidden when the company comes snooping or ladies are about.
I have a flask that says, "Forget the past and the women and the phantom failures."
I have a flask and it is my flask and it is my life.
I have a flask. Not a jug or a glass. I don't need to spell things out for my flask.
I have a flask, and I think I should not have a flask.
I have a flask that says:

Bring Us Your Groans, Your Eye-Rolls, Your Sighs

I've unexpectedly exhausted much of my creative output for the day by playing a newly discovered "ten second trailer" game my friend invented with his other friends. It's been a slow Monday. Basically, you take a famous movie title, turn it into a pun, and provide a synopsis that could be shown as a trailer in five to ten seconds. Here are some of my favorites on the day:

The only way to stop crime in Detroit...was to hire the one man with literally nothing to lose.
HOBOCOP

Tensions rise to a boiling point as commercial airtravel slowly makes trains obsolete in 1960's America.
ONE FLEW OVER THE CHOOCHOO'S NEST

A small girl abandons her see-saw in a playground journey of self discovery.
BONNIE AND SLIDE

A Confederate solider stumbles upon a broken VCR remote.
REBEL WITHOUT A PAUSE

A rising senator misses his morning train to his first day on the hill- has he doomed his political career ...or is there still time?
THE MANHURRYIN' CANDIDATE

A young boy is taken in by a retired Parisian baker, who patiently teaches him the difference between the active and subjunctive tenses.
THE FRENCH CORRECTION

A mother asks her son for a paper towel, and eyes it suspiciously while holding it up to the light.
SCRUTINY ON THE BOUNTY

A young boy assembles a three-piece styrofoam plane for his seventh birthday.
EASY GLIDER

An artisanal pastry chef seeks retribution against an unfair food critic.
THE CREPES OF WRATH

Stop looking at me like that.